


Sunshine, You've Got Me Thinking...

by TheLovelySilence



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: "Bad Boy", Abuse, Addict Harry, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Artist Zayn, Asshole Louis, Bad Boy Harry, Bold Zayn, Bully Louis, Dealer Louis, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Eccentric Zayn, Harry Centric, High School, M/M, Misunderstandings, Original Character(s), Orphan Harry, Sassy Zayn, Sunshine Zayn, rude harry, zayn centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-01-12 13:24:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1186936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLovelySilence/pseuds/TheLovelySilence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn was a character all right. </p><p>Very blunt, honest and eccentric. He spoke his mind so freely and could leave an impression on you. His undeniably appealing personality made Harry's frustrations grander. </p><p>But then again, maybe that's just what Harry needed, a little ray of sunshine.</p><p>More like a second chance.</p><p> </p><p>Or the one where Harry is a chronic drug abuser, and Zayn may be the only one who can save him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Fowl Language & Drug Use
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own One Direction & I do not promote drug use. It is intended for the plot only, not to glamorize.

 

* * *

Harry's life was complicated. Battling with at home issues, if he could even call it that, and his dependency on hallucinogens & valium was becoming more exorbitant as time went on.  _He can pretty much claim his life is a living hell._  To top it off, everyone at school misunderstands him; imeadiatley labling him as the "asshole druggie". It dosn't help that his actions fall in line with his title so perfectly, so escaping the judgement was futile. Harry's struggle to keep it together diminishes as each day goes by and nobody even notices, accept Zayn.

Zayn was a whole different story. He was so bold, refreshing really that anyone could appreciate. His eccentric personality stood out amongst the familiar faces of the school halls. Having a such a straight forward personality, boarderline reckless, vexed Harry to no end.

Harry's struggle to find himself may become tiniest bit easier if he let some sunshine into his life. 

* * *

 

**Harry's Point Of View**

I took in a long shaky breath of the spliff, feeling my chest instantly relax. My head was already feeling light from the cannabis filtering through my lungs. It wasn't really a choice at this point on weither to smoke or not in the morning, it was a need.  _I'm not going to sit here and give you a sob story on why I'm currently addicted to laced weed and anxiety pills. It was a mutual decision on my part, having a chance to escape for a bit._

"I swear the fucking god if you don't get the hell up, I am going to drag your ass to school myself. You good for nothing piece of shit! Hey I'm talking to you, you ungrateful bastard!" I heard the obnoxiously loud banging. It was from Tom, the owner of the home I was staying at for the moment. He was the epitome of the drunking bastard who went off the deep in when he got a little liquor in his system.  _I really can not wait until I am of legal age to get out of this shit hole._

"Oh I hear you asshole." I said putting out the joint, and tosing it over the balcony. I grabbed my school bag quickly and opened the door to a furious man, reeking of booze so early in the morning.

"You're so lucky I can't beat your ass, you little shit." He growled in my face angirly. I just looked down on him.

"Yeah well I be getting out this shitty place real soon, just you wait old man." I said brushing past him, makind him stumble back since the intoxication had him unsteady.

"Oh shut up the hell up, you bastard." He said wobbling off somewhere down the hall.

"Guilty." I said smiling the smallest.  _It's true I am a bastard, a son of a whore who didn't want me._

 

I quickly ran into the medicine cabinet inside the bathroom to grabbing three vailums and turned the water on quickly, I could feel my skin craw on edge.  _It's been how many hours since I last popped these?_ I could feel the waves nausea build up as cupped a moutful of water, popping all the pills at once. I fell back onto the toilet in relief as I felt the tenseness egg away, and a new high taking its place. Everything shifty slightly now and my head was feeling incredibly light.  _  
_

"You better not be in there fucking with my pills!" I heard off from somewhere in the house.

"Oh don't start crying now Tom, I'm leaving don't worry!" I said grabbing my bag and headed to the front door.

...

"Harry... do you want anything to eat?" I heard a small voice from behind. I turned to see Amelia, another one of us trapped in this damned house.

"No, I already have eaten." I said rustling my curls. She was a younger girl, middle school I believe. Short, dark brown hair and blue eyes. Pretty,  _but the little girlies aren't my type._

 "Are you sure...?" She said finishing whatever she was making.

"Mel, I said no." I said leaving out the front door. I pulled my bag farther up my back, against my sweater. My face stung a bit in the brisk air, as the last remnants of snow scattered here and there. Spring was a month or two away, but I wasn't counting. Another season gone by, just like another fuck out the window.

"Yo Harold, Harold!" I stopped and turned towards the shorter lad in the jean jacket jogging over enthusiastically. 

"What Louis." I said not in any mood to chat with anyone.

"Whoa tiger, just wondering if you buying today. No need for your pissy day to splash on me." He said putting his hands up with that same cocky grin.

"Not today Louis..." I said trying to walk away.

"Look, don't try to walk away alright. I have to make a come up too you know, so are you buying or NOT?" He said looking more serious as he gripped his hand on my shoulder.

"Trust me, I made this batch special for you." He said pulling out the orange tented leaves. He waved it in my face with his shitty grin like i was some dog sitting for a treat. I could feel my heart race as my eyes zoomed in on the little clear baggy, that was practically begging.  _Come on Styles, use me. You'll feel amazinig, buy me. Don't think, just do. Come on now..._ I shook my head in attempt to clear it as I pulled out the 20 pounds and placed it into the others  hand.

"Knew you would come around." He said stuffing the bills into his pocket. I had the smallest idea of skipping school all together and go smoke this to hell, but I had no choice when it came to my damned education. When the government owns you, you kind of have to be their bitch. I looked down at the clear bag once more, and felt a bit dizzy stairing at the flakes in the bag.  _Well this looks like some good shit._

* * *

 

"Of course  _you_ are late agian Styles, have a seat." Whatever her face leactured as soon as I walked through the door. I watched as a few groups of assholes turned and muttered off to their friends about god know what, as the stole glances my way. I quickly headed back to my designated seat in the back, isolated from everyone.  _Don't worry, I prefer it this way._

"I swear to god, my brother heard he was shooting up behind Carol's...!" I heard from in front of me. I looked up to a side glance that quickly adverted at eye contact.  _So I shoot uo now?_

"Class, settle down. We have a new student starting today. Please be polite. Come on in lad." I looked over to see a lanky lad walking in, average height and tanned skined. I swear to go i oculd smell the hair wax that sculpted his hair from across the room because it looked like that could have tooken hours. 

"Hi, my name Zayn. I'm from Bradford. Uh, not sure what else to say if I am to be honest." The class errupted in a fit of giggles.  _Come on guys, it  was nothign to laugh at._

"Thank Zayn, please take a seat. Only a few open left, choose wisely."

"I'll manage." he said heading down the isle. I watched as everyone shook hands, greeting him with flirty hellos and "whats up man" here and there.  _Are they fucking serious right now? None of them even know the guy yet._

"Mind if I sit here?" I looked to hazel eyes staring back down at me. He had a small smile on his face as he gestured at the seat next to me. I could see the faces of horror looking back my way,  _and I must admit they were the slightest bit hilarious._

"Your arse not mine." I said taking my feet down from the chair in question.

"Ha ha right." He said taking a seat. His bagged flopped down on the floor, makind a pencil tumble out. 

"Here." I said placing the pencil on his desk the slightest bit annoed.

"Thank you." he said placing back in his bag.

...

"So what's your name?"  I heard whispered from the side of me. I looked over to see him leaning over the slightest childish while asking.

"Trust me, you don't need to know it." I said chuckling the slightest.  _I'm saving you the trouble._

"Well why is that?" He said not lettig it go.

"It's just better that way." I said getting irritated.  _Dude, I am clearly sending signals screaming back the hell off._

"Well it's not fai since you know my name. Tell me, bacause I have no plans on stopping till you do." He said bluntly. I turned to him and gave him a death glare, but his face just remained blink as he awaited an answer.

"Huuuuh... It's Harry." I said giving in.

"Harry huh?" He said almsot as if he was tasting it.

"Yeah, Harry. Got a problem with it or something?" 

"No, I like it." he said smiling again.  _Why the hell are you so goddamn smiley?_

"Yeah you'd be the first." I said looking away.  _This kid is too fucking bright right now._

"Lucky me, I feel kind of special now." 

"Trust me, it's no luxury to know me." I said feeling the anxiety begin to kick in. My head was swriling now as I sat in the seat with me hands on my head. It felt as if my lungs were closing up and my eyes were being scooped out of their sockets.

"Hey, you alright?" I felt a small hand touch my shoulder. I looked back up to the Bradford kid who was now crouching down next to me.

"You were a bit gone for a second." He said looking into my strained eyes. I just staired into his confused hazel one's. 

"I'm fine." I said brushing his hand off.  _Just need to take my meds that's all._ _  
_

* * *

 


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Fowl Language & Drug Use

* * *

 

**Harry's Point of View**

"This is the twelth time you have been late to school this month so far Mr. Styles. I don't understand why is it so hard for you to be here on time just like everyone else and..."  _Of course you don't understand, you don't have the same life as me. It's pointless to waste your breath._ I just stared at the lecturing lady, her voice completed drowned at right now. I was to busy focused on the waves of nausea passing through my system, trying not to freak out in front of the principal. 

"Harold Styles are you even listening to me?!" I heard angirly from above. I looked dead into her furious brown ones.

"No, I'm not. Because this is the twelth time we had this same conversation. I can only do the same tango so many times before I don't give a fuck anymore." I said clenching my hands into fist. It felt like my blood was thinning, with electric currents shooting down the vains.

"You're unbelievable. Detention after school!" She said slamming down onto her desk.

"Don't even bother, I won't show. I have to go straight home." I said without a second thought.

"Harold, don't test me."

"I'll be leaving now." I said getting up and walking out the door.

"HARR-!" Her scream being silenced by the heavy door leading to her office. I quickly made a beeline to the nearest restroom, and crashed into one of the sinks. Another boy was in there, washing his hands, looking terrified.

"You, out." I said glairing at him. He quickly ran out the door, soapy hands in all into safety. I quickly turned the sink on, feeling the waves of anxiety spill into my brain. I placed my face under the water, as my other hand reached into my pocket, grabbing the three pills. I quickly swallowed them, feeling my lungs inflate the slightest. 

"Here, you might need this." I heard from above. I looked up into the familiar blue eyes leering down at me with that same smug grin. He had a few paper towels in his hand, gesturing toward my face. I snatched them and rubbed them along my damped face.

"You know, most people bathe at home.~" He said leaning onto the sink beside me.

"Very funny." I said tossing the napkins out, and making sure to send my "not amused" face his way.

"Your hair looks like a wet dogs now." He said pointing up to my now wet locks.

"Yeah well I'll be fine. What do you want?" I said cutting the happy chat short.

"Nothing really, just checking up on my favorite customer. How was the last batch I made you?" He said cockily.  _God I fucking hate him._

"It was fine, as usual." I said not trying to appease him.

"Fine? It took seven days to make that shit, so what do you mean by  _fine._ " He said pushing off the sink and coming face to face with me. His hands were folded across his chest, as his bold blue eyes cut into my face.

"It was good shit." I said looking down at the bipolar asshole. He broke into his annoying grin once again as he took a step back, and patted me on the back.

"I know." He said heaidng toward the entrance.

"I'll have some more from Matt by sixth period, you want me to save you a bundle or two?" 

"Sure." I said flatly, trying to ignore his exsitance.

"I'll even give it to you special delivery style. Glad we could talk." He said leaving out with a whistle.

* * *

 

"How was school today?" I heard from behind me as I closed the front door. The snow started to fall again as I walked home from school. I ruffled the white flakes out of my hair as I look toward the curious blue eyes in the door way.

"Why are you home already?" I said walking into the foyer.

"Well...uh-I-I wasn't feeling well today..." She said returing back to the kitchen island. 

"Go to school tommorow, got it?" I said pulling out a can of coke from the  fridge.

"Yes..." She said softly, returning back to her puzzle.

"Where's Tom?' I said noticing his coat was not on the hook.

"He told me to tell you to mind your business if you asked..." She said placing a piece in the forming picture of a butterfly. She was getting to old for puzzles, already in the 6th grade.

"Fugured." I said tossing the empty can into the recyling bin.

"Harold." I turned to the doorway to see a thin lady walk into the room. Her skin was paler now, her eyes icy cold.

"What?" I said taking off my coat.

"Don't what me." Nancy said walking into the kitchen.

"Your fath-"

"He's not my father." I said cutting her off.

"Tom... keeps complaining his pills are going missing. Have you seen them?" She asked petting Mel's hair. I watched her snuggle into the touch.

"No." I said leaving the kitchen.

"Wait, I wanted to talk to you..." She said after me.

"Why? This conversation is over. That's how it goes remember?" I said glaring at her.

"Don't act like you care, when you don't give a fuck what I do." I said leaving promptly, slamming my bedroom door in the process. I flooped down onto my bag as I pulled out the familar bag of tented weed. I just sat in a comfortable silence as I rolled the aftrnoon away.

* * *

 

The rest of the week went by in a blur, seeing I was high nearly every moment of it. Everyone at school was louder now, chatting out their damn lives, only to compare to the less fortunate. That's whay  hate the most when it came to highschoolers.  _Everything is about how you are percieved._

_If you looked like a slut, you're a slut._

_If you looked like a loser, you're a loser._

_if you looked like a druggie, guess what? You're a druggie._

_But that's not always true is it?_

The lable game started evey since we were little, conditioned to be in a category. In elementary, it was broken in how fast you can learn the alphabet bullshit. When we're older it's about what class you fall in finacially. Right now, while we're young, it's what you look like. It dosn't matter how much of a nice girl you are, but if you wear jeans that are too tight, or a shirt that is too revealing,  _someone is calling you a slut._

The worst part about highschool is that you can not change the lable you have been given.  _That shit you see in the movies where the nerd becomes all popular and prom queen, is called shit for a reason._ It is unrealistic. It does not show the truth of teenangers anymore. No, all we do is party now, smoke and fuck. That's what apparently matters now. 

"You know you've been staring at that poster for ten minutes now." I jumped the slightest out my thoughts and looked down at the pair of hazel eyes.  _Oh great, sunny boy is here._

"You know you don't have to talk about me like that. Say it to me if there is a problem." He said with his childish pout.  _Are you in my head or something?_

"What are you going on about?" I said trying to pretend unphazed.

"Never mind that. What were you thinking about staring so intensly at this lame poster, porn or something?" He said his hands now on his hips.

"Are you high?"  _What is this kids deal?_

"No, but you seem to be."  _Cheeky I see._

"...What do you want?" I said feeling the annoyance grow in me by the minute.

"I just wanted to know what you were thinking. You look like you were summarizing some dramatic scene out in the distnace." He said raising his hand, demostrating the view.

"Do you even realize what you say before opening your mouth?" 

"I say what's on my mind. Always have, always will."  He said now leaning against the poster. I just stared at him, feeling my impatience twitch on face. 

"You look like you're having a stroke or something. Fix your face, it's unsightly." He said scrunching up his nose as if he smelled something disgusting.

"You can always not look at my unsightly face yoy know." I said feeling my eyes roll to the back of my head.

"True, might be for the best. Anywaym is there any way you could show me where the library is located? Prep class seems as if it is nearly impossible to find." He said with a sigh.

"How exactly did you manage to find it all this week again?"

"I didn't?" He said with a small grin. I felt my eyes roll by themselves now,  _it's becoming a habit around him._

"I swear you're going to lose an eye in the back of your head if you keep that up curly." He said pushing off the wall as he dusted his shirt off.

"Hopefully, I won't have to see you anymore." I said smirking at my own witty combat.

"That's rude. Anyway, could you plelase show it to me? I'm not the best with directions." He said crossing his arms looking up at me.  _Everything about this boy is childish._

"And you asume I know where this place is?" I said trying to brush him off.

"You've been here longer than me, I would hope you knew a little something about the school." He said now stepping in front of me.

"If it gets you from harrasing me, I'll show you." I said walking ahead toward the main hall. I could hear his footsteps quicken to catch up with my long strides.  _Long legs do have its perks._

"I can only move so fast you know! Not all of us are giraffes!" He said complaining once again.

"I suggest you hurry it up shortie." I said with a smirk.  _Least I got you beat there._

* * *

 

"Come eat lunch with me."

"What?" I said deadpanly.  _Dude I don't even know you._

"Payment for helping me the other day." He said waving the lunch bag in my face.

"No." I said trying to get this obnoxious boy away asap.

"I knew you would say that. But, I guess Ill just eat this lunch that is clearly to big for one person, by myself... alone, so much food, obesity is in the future for m-"

"Fine. If it will get you to shut the hell up, i'll eat."  _Sunshine boy is so fucking annoying._

"Good, come along. We aren't eating in that dumb ass cafeteria." He said headind down the hall way quickly.

"Come on now, before I drag you by your hair curly!~"  _I doubt, you look like you way like two pounds._

 "Fuck I'm coming." I said feeling my headache grow.

...

"Do you like it?" He said watching my bite the turkey & cheese sandwich.

"It's ok."  _Can I leave now._

_"OK?_ My mother put her heart and soul into that! You kids these days are so ungrateful, unbelivable, when you get offered a free meal, they are just so ru-" I clasped my hand over his mouth as I felt my skin begun to crawl.

"Shut it, the sandwich is fine." He slapped my hand away from his mouth as he rubbed his face like a six year old would.

"Your hand smells gross." He said drinking his water now.  _Well excuse me._

"You talk to much." I said feeling tense. My lungs begin to pinch the slightest, as I felt my breath quicken. My blood felt like it was on fire, the small club room. I could feel the familiar sting in the back of my mind, pulsating as if it had it's own heart beat. My blood felt like it was going cold, _and it's been how mnay hours since i had a hit?_

"Do you want me to open a window. It looks like you're about to hurl all over my good food." He said looking at me in disgust.

"I'm just going have a smoke, you mind." I said pulling out the joint in my coat pocket.

"No, it's fine." He said leaning back onto the wide window ceil that gave the view fo the whole town. I cracked open one of the smaler windows toward the bottom and lit my spliff in my mouth. I could feel his eye bore into me as I exhaled the smoke out the window, to drift away into the sky.

"That stinks, why do you smoke that crap anyway." He said collecting the trash and tossing it into the bin.

"Because I want to."

"Dosen't look like it."

"Excuse me?" I said exhaling the smoke as I turned his way, his hazel eyes already making contact with mine.

"I said it dosen't look it." He said keeping his position. We just stared at each other intensely as inhaled some more, letting it leave my body through my nostrils.

"You're right." I said looking back to the outter world.

"I know."

"You're a smartass too." 

"So i've been told." I felt my nerves twitch at the annoying lad getting off the ledge heading over to me. 

"Are you going to offer me some or not?" He said looking the slightest bit offended.

"No." I said smirking at his pout.  _I swear this is a child._

"It's fine, I like a cancer free life anyway." he said rolling his eyes as he headed towards the doorway.

"Be here tommorow, same time curly. Im bringing fajitas."

"Ohh can't wait." I said sarcastically as I blew the smoke out from my dry mouth. I heard the door open and close once again, signalling his departure. I just kept looking out to the sun, watching it set the slightest.  _This was going to be a long year._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this fan fiction so far. If you have not already, give this work a kudos so I know you like it. Update will arrive soon. Thanks again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Fowl Language, Drug Usage & possible abuse.

* * *

 

Harry's Point of View

"You know it wouldn't kill you to actually smile sometimes."

"It just might." I felt my eyes dive into the back of my head hoping they could get stuck so I didn't have to see his annoying face again. I took a second bite of the fajita,  _that to be completely honest was incredibly delicious._

 "Please, smiling can get you places you know." He said finishing his own wrap as he sat cross legged in the window sill.

"Oh so that's how you get what you want, must be nice." I said sarcastically sipping on the water bottle.

"You're bitterness is going to give me a pimple I swear." He said pulling out his cell to what I assume, check the time.

"Well, we wouldn't want a blemish to get on our Queen's face now would we?" I said with a smirk at my own snarky comment.

"Good to know you know royalty when you see it." He said with a grin putting his phone back into his pocket.

"Why are you so annoying?" I said feeling my brain pulse at the stupidity.

"Why do you continue to come here?" He said looking at me dead on as he sipped his juice box. I felt myself pause at the question which in fact I had not even considered myself.  _Why am I here again?_

 _"Bam, got you!"_ He said shooting his finger gun my way with one eye closed. I felt my face warm the slightest.  _What the fuck._

"Ha ha, you should see your face!" He said hopping out the window sill to pet my head lightly.

"It's okay curly, their can only be one cowboy in this rodeo."

"What the hell are you even saying?" I said jerking my head away in annoyance.  _I could really use a smoke now._

"It's a saying idiot. How sheltered are you?" 

"You have no idea." I said getting up to leave the room.  _What can I say, orphans tend to have soft spots._

 _"Hey!"_ I felt a small hand grab onto my forearm.

"I didn't mean anything by it." He said looking more serious now.

"What are you talking about now?" I said rolling my eyes.  _What?_

"Well you looked like you wanted to stab me two seconds ago." He said tilting his head backwards.

"I just might." I said smirking the slightest.

"I swear, you're quite the sadist." He said looking up at me with that disgust look again that was undeniably hilarious.

"That's you pretty boy." I said petting his shoulder.

"Well at least I'm pretty, can't say the same for you." He said jerking away and heading towards the door. 

"You always have something to say to everything I say." I said getting the slightest bit ticked off.

"What can I say, I'm quite clever." He said opening the door.

"Oh and curly."

"What now..." I said pulling out a joint.

"You owe me lunch tomorrow, you won't slave drive my mother to feed your fat ass everyday." He said as he quickly left.

_I should feed you glass, you annoying son of a bitch._

* * *

 

"Mel?"

"Y-yes?"

"Why are you home so early again?" I asked sitting my bags down on the table.

"I-I wasn't feeling well, so Tod came for me..."

"You have a fever or something?" I said placing my hand on her forehead. She immediately flinched away form the touch.

"No... just a small ache."

"...Alright. Could you do me a favor?" I watched as her dull blue eyes perked up in excitement.

"Yes!"

"I need you to make me a lunch tomorrow. You think you can handle that?" I said taking out my phone from my bag.

"Of course!" She said nodding her head enthusiastically.

"Good. Make it for two okay?" I said heading towards the hall.

"T-two?" She said the slightest bit confused.

"Yeah, two." I said turning to leave again.

"...Is it for a friend?" She asked shyly. I felt my eyes automatically roll to the back of my head in annoyance.

"Not hardly."

"Oh... okay." She said sitting back at the island to finish her painting.

* * *

 

"Hey, open the fucking door!" I twitched at the sudden bang at more door, waking me from my other wise pleasant nap.

"I know you fucking hear me you little shit! You've got five seconds before I kick this God damn door down!"  _Well, Tod is home._

I purposely took my gracious time to open the door, to be met with furious brown eyes and a pissed off face.

"How may I owe this lovely greeting again?" I said sarcastically at the raging bull.

"You've been fucking with my pills?" He said looking up infuriated.

"Me? Why would you possibly think I was fucking with YOUR pills Tod? Now now, don't you think I know better?" 

"Don't get cute with me. DON'T TOUCH MY SHIT! NEXT TIME, I'LL BREAK YOUR FINGERS OFF IF ANOTHER VALIUM GOES MISSING IN THIS GODDAMN HOUSE AGAIN! GOT ME?" 

"Tod, I'm not in the mood for this idle chatting. You're giving me an headache."

"Why you little shi-!" 

"Tod. Honey." We both turned our heads toward the frail women cloaked by a thick blanket.

"Can't you see I was in the middle of talking?" 

"The phone rang for you, it's your father." She said gesturing toward their bedroom. I watched as he sighed in defeat and took a leave down the hall. I slammed my door and slid down the door. My brain was pulsating. Almost as if a hammer was being crashed right into my membrane. I tried to control my breathing, but it felt like my anger was strangling me. I suddenly got up and flipped my room upside down, searching for the small baggy of substance hidden away for emergency. It felt like my sanity was on a timer, two seconds from exploding. 

What was it called again? Anxiety? 

Something like that.

If it wasn't already obvious, I suffer from major attacks from it. According to the government payed therapist I am forced to visit every two weeks.

It begun when I was 10, right around the time I was placed in the 5th orphanage. It started out small you know? Simple things, like clammy hands and always feeling out of place.  _I mean, I was an orphan, there wasn't much of a place for me from the start._ Then it escalated into bigger things, like small shakes and breathing issues. Nothing beats the feeling that everything is out to get you.  _I'm not trying to be a victim here, just sharing my experiences..._

I finally felt the cold, thin piece of plastic under my fingertips as he stretched them to the furthest crack in the bed frame. Quickly reeling it out, I ripped the little baggy that held enough weed for twp spliffs and got the rolling. I could feel the panic drum in my ear as I gave the final roll of the joint. Quickly lighting one of the two, I took a deep inhale of one and let it hold till i felt the embers tickling my lungs. Slowly breathing out, I could feel the pressure ease away. I looked down sadly at the two joints left, and realizing I got not cash for more. Well,  _looks like somebody needs a job._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long update, Finals & shit.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A/N] Hey guys, It's been ages. It's sad because when I think of summer, I think of unlimited updates. But of course that did not happen at all. I got a job a Chipotle (Yay, free expensive food!) and I work six of the seven days of the week for the entire summer. However school is starting next week, my last & final mandatory year! I am excited, because that means I cans tart updating again since I will ultimately have less days to work during the school year. Also this pass summer I had an obsession with video games, that I am not even remotely ashamed of. Well I am so happy to return to this story, so lets pick up where we left off! Thanks for all the read and comments, they're greatly appreciated :)
> 
> Warnings: Fowl Language & Drug Usage/Abuse

* * *

 

"So you're fucking broke Harold?" 

"That's what I said." I said rolling my eyes and throwing my jacket in my locker.

"Well, then what fucking use are you to me then?" The shorter lad said leaning against the following locker.

"Did not want to be of use from the start Louis." I said slamming my locker.

"What  you telling me to piss of or something, styles?" He said getting up from the locker annoyance clear on his face.

"Glad you can read between the lines." I said beginning to walk away.

"Watch it styles, I don't know what crawled up your ass this morning, but remember who the fuck you're talking to, got it?" The shorter lad said looking furious. I felt my head spin a bit realizing the clear threatening atmosphere.  _Let me not piss off the weed man..._

"Whatever man. I look for you when I get some cash." I said shrugging him off.

"That's more like it." The shitty grin returning on his face.  _It's not that I am afraid of this asshole or anything, it's more like I heard this dude is fucking mental._

I begun my walk to fifth period and I watched as the cliques of kids walk almost the hall. It was a bit ridiculous because you can get a clear view of what type of people fit where. It wasn't that is was so much of something that interest me, but when you're someone of their own category, you can't help but notice.

My eyes shifted to the familiar raven head bastard. He was talking to someone who looked to be his senior. I stared in amusement as the shorter lad failed to realize the advances of the older lad, it was pitiful. I was startled by the immediate eye contact from the hazel eyed boy, which he took the opportunity to wink drastically wink at me. I felt my eyes swan dive to the back of my skull.

* * *

 

"What's eating you curly, you've been staring at that sandwich like it's gonna bite back or something. On your period?" The cheeky bastard said as he was sprawlded like a cat in the window sill in the club room.

"Why do you even have to breathe?" I said thinking of a way to kill a certain someone with food. 

"Because I will die without it? I thought you where smarter than that, come on now." He said with a devious smirk.

"I swear to God, I am going to strangle you with this if you so as much comment."

"Then what are you gonna eat for lunch then if you do that?" He said hoping down from the window sill and plopping down next to me. I just glared at him, hoping he would combust into flames.

"Ha ha stop, that's way to intense. It's making me feel gross." He said leaning away.

"... Why do I deal with an idiot like you again?" I said questioning my existence.

"Because you think I am just the greatest thing since slice bread?" He said so fluently.

"Don't flatter yourself princess." I said smirking at the obvious disgust for the nickname.

"So are you going to tell me what's up or not?" He said with a slight pout.  _I forgot I was dealing with a four year old._  

"The long version or the short version?" I said rolling my eyes.

"I love to hear you ramble about your life for eternity, but we only got five more minutes till lunch his over sweet heart." He said pinching my cheek. 

"I will bite your fucking hand off if you pull that shit ever again." I said looking at the offending hand. I watched as the other broke out into laughter.

"Pffft! You're face was too perfect when I did that, sorry...sorry." He said holding his stomach while laughing. 

"Ha ha, you're just filled with laughs today shortie." I said leaning back on my hands slightly annoyed. I could feel my cheeks warm  the slightest.  _  
_

I couldn't help but smirk a little watching the other collect himself from his laughing fit, watery eyed and all.  _You look like a snot nose kid, idiot._

"I know I am just the cutest thing but don't grin so creepily at me like that." He said his face looking flushed form what I assume the laughter,  _right?_

"You love to flatter yourself. How unsurprisingly cock of you." I said not exactly denying the statement.  _So what? He's kinda of adorable when he laughs..._

"You need a job don't you?" He said bluntly, leaving just blinking in surprise.

"How'd you figure?"

"Well you smoke weed, and you haven't in the past few days... Broke as hell?" He said with a grin cleaning up our mess.

"Piss off..." I said slightly annoyed I was figure out.

"Well I don't hand out freebies so you're fucked." He said grinning as he threw the shit out.

"Shut up, I'm not begging you for money." I said rolling my eyes.

"Then what?" He said with a smirk, looking as if he already knows what I am going to ask?  _You little shit..._

"Wanna ask your elder something eh?" He said with a shit eating grin. I felt my eye twitch,  _this fucking asshole is having too much fun. Elder? You're not even that much older..._

"For fuck sake. I really don't like you." I said standing up. I felt and hand grab my arm and a slight tug.

"Fine, I'll stop the teasing this time. I'll help you, okay?" He said tilting his head.

"...Thanks." I said with a sigh. He smiled and reached up for my shoulder.

"You're just lucky you don't look like a fucking horse." He said patting my shoulder. 

"And if I did?" I said rolling my eyes with a grin.

"It would have cost you." He said taking his leave.

_You charge the ugly, how not surprisingly like you._

* * *

 

"Is this your first job Harry?" The librarian asked pushing the cart down the isle.

"Yes." I said looking around. The walls where covered in books, just like the parallel rows of bookcases. 

"How nice, I remember my first job was at this small coffee shop right off the side of Broad & Alleny." She said with small smile, her wrinkles framing the gesture.

"How nice..." I said not knowing how to reply. Zayn brought me to a book store he said he knew the owner off well enough. It wasn't exactly dream job material,  but I will give a check so I am not complaining.

"I am going to need you to know Dewey Decimal by the end of the week, so we can get you started properly, for now you can help with book returns. Any questions you can always ask." She said with a small smile.

"Yes, got it." I said feeling a bit awkward at such a quite place.  _  
_

"Such an obedient child, you must be a pleasure of a son." She said going back to her desk.

"Well I wouldn't say that..." I said going towards the book cart.

"Oh please, a charming lad like yourself will go much farther than you think." She said placing her Reading glasses on her thin nose. I just smile politely, not wanting to make any comment.  _You have no idea what my life is like, please don't just say such reckless things so easily._

* * *

 

"What the hell are you doing here?" I said feeling a headache.

"Now Styles, no way to speak to your upper class man. Someone told me at school you where our future librarian and I had to see it in action. Not bad, thought  you'd be a trash collector or janitor." The blue eyes lad said with that horrible smirk on his face.

"There you go, you caught me." I said putting my hands up sarcastically.

"Now could you leave me alone while I'm at work?" I said feeling my nausea begin to edge again. Its been to many days since I've last had a hit. The Valium by itself can only work so much.

"Right, right. Can;t keep you for earning my money now can I?" He said with a knowing look. I could almost admit I felt the slightest bit embarrassed at the realization.

"Fuck you Louis." I said feeling pissed now realizing my dependency on the jerk.

"I'm have to pass." He said placing bag of weed on the counter.

"To hold you over." He said with a wink as he left. I just stared down at the little baggy. Ashamed of my hand reaching for it and shoving it into my pocket.  _I am so fucked._

* * *

 

"Harry...why have yo been coming home later recently...?" I heard a shaky voice from in the kitchen as a hung my coat on the rack.

"None of your business." I said looking at the lady in the kitchen. I saw her flinch at my words and Mel turning away.

"Watch you tongue, got it?" Tom said coming into the room. I just looked at him and brushed pass him.

"Don't act like you didn't fucking hear me! You are usually so eager to say what the fuck you want to me, but now this?!" He said irritated. I just continued to my room and closed the door.

As soon as I reached the room, I felt my legs give out from under my me as I could feel the bile raise in my stomach. MY head was pounding like bricks smashing in my temples. I could feel a cold seat cover my body as I begin convulse a little. I couldn't hold back the vomit that came spewing out my mouth like river into the trash basin. My throat could stung as the acid burned at the very flesh making my body clinch on itself.

It was nearly a week and the withdrawal from the lack of laced weed, with good knows what was getting worse. I tried to stand up but the dry heaving was takign the breath out of me and I could feel my abdomen clinch painfully trying to throw any remnants of anything. MY body was begging for the drugs more than life, and I could see blackness around my vision as I stumbled to my mattress.  _Tonight was going to be a living hell._

* * *

 

_"Who the fuck is this? You do realize it's three in the fucking morning right??!"_

"Louis I need some right now, I'm losing my fucking mind." I said my fingers tapping vigorously on my nightstand.

_"Styles? What the fuck man? Are you you kidding me? Go fuck yourself."_ He said hanging up. I felt my heart drop at the dial tone and I could hear something snap at the back of my brain. 

I quickly raced to the front entrance and threw on some boots and a jacket. Not really caring who shit was who. Out in the brisk air, I felt my breathing increase rapidly. On a hunt for God knows what.  _Fucking air? Freedom? ANYTHING.  
_

_"Hey you over there, come here."_ Someone said off the side of a building.  _I don't know if it was because my body was running or auto pilot, or I was too fucking gone to know any better but I sprinted to the man in the hooded jacket as if he was a life line._

_"Eager are we? Fuck you doing out this early? Don't you got school or something come six AM?_ The man said with smirk leaning against the wall.

"...No."

_"Oh really. So no one will be looking for you come noon?"_ He said getting up from the wall. _Oh shit..._

I could feel my anxiety spike up instantly at the bad vibes vibrating through the air. All sign of run, or fight going off in my mind. I felt my body stiffen as I became more coherent of the situation. 

"No." I said more confidentially as I collected my thoughts. I glared up into his stupid grin. _  
_

...

_"Ah tough guy, don't worry I'm not gonna rob you or anything crazy like that."_ He said spitting to his side.

_"Take you ass home."_

_What?_

_"You heard me, go."_ He said as if he read my mind, or just simply read my face.

  _"Being out here like this is no good mate.You're gonna find yourself fucked up, or taking heroine with used needles. Get out of here kid while you can."_ He said gesturing his head behind me. I couldn't say anything. I just stared in shock not knowing how to react.

_"You fucking deaf? GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE AND GO HOME."_ He said looking irritated. 

I just stared a moment longer trying to process the situation.  _Was this help? Warning? I don't get it? Am I still dreaming right now..?_

So I did what any scared, anxiety ridden boy would do.

I took my ass straight home.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Next chapter coming a lot sooner, promise!

**Author's Note:**

> This story is also available on different platforms like Wattpad. It is named the same title by TeaAndCrackers, that is my account so this is not a stolen work. Thank you for reading. Kudos this if you like it & comment your thoughts.


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